I used to say, in my next lifetime, I would like to make it work to not hit the menopause while trying for a baby for the first time or go through it while being head of department. Just as I was settled in love and my career seemed to be taking off, I was hit with an ever-growing list of physical experiences signalling the slow exit of oestrogen from the building: a menstruation pattern both sporadic and intense and, on top of that hot (hot, hot!) feet, hands, flashes, and night sweats.
Even if it wasn’t openly talked about ten years ago, I look back and I told the truth about it, if only here and there. I look through my emails and there was one colleague I often shared with. I wrote to her: ‘You will have to bear with me – I am having a challenging menopause, and rather than be motivated by these challenges I am just super anxious about them. I want to turn this around (soon!)‘.
Three years later (only halfway through the seven-year roller coaster) I wrote to my husband when he visited while I was working away. ‘I don’t think I’ll need you to bring clothes when you visit tomorrow. But I do need my menopause herbal supplements which have run out. You forget this at your peril 🙂‘
Menopause hit me when I seemed at my most powerful and active in the world, and the stress of that well-earnt new life made the symptoms of menopause worse. I just had to journey into and through the things that menopause was bringing up.
Because the physical stuff was just part of it. Every old emotional pain living inside of me seemed to be knocking at my door. Things that seemed forgotten came up once again, my difficult youth, all the body image issues that weren’t resolved, what I wanted to do with my life, my self-esteem. If I had been a little anxious before, now I could overthink myself into panic attacks in a flash.
So, I just had to come up with lots of menopause calming activities and do what I could to manage symptoms, research supplements, get some sleep, shift my mood, keep calm, be active – eating new foods, exercise, breathing techniques, Pilates etc. etc., and once I had my energy back, participating in my community in a way I had longed to do for years, including becoming a meditation teacher and setting up Meditating with Olga.
Years later all these activities have become regular activities of paying caring attention to my needs and that of the world around me.
So, I didn’t have a child, but I became a whole new person. For all its arduousness I am a better person for the menopause. The menopause journey turned out to be the crucial moment in my life for listening to myself and unearthing new possibilities in myself. It is over 10 years since it all began, and I am grateful for the shift it created. It is now 4 years since I was fully menopausal. I can safely say I feel the best part of my life is here.
This is why my story is here, encouraging you to find your own way through the menopause journey.